“I cant breath any more I am done…”
I still recall this post in a forum I visited. I immediately felt for her; I immediately knew what she was going through, all the things she couldn’t explain, express, admit. I knew how her body felt, her mind, her eyes, her heart. I knew, as only someone who experiences similar struggles could, that she was in the place of being drained and knowing she still had to go on, get better, be better.
I kept my response to her. For what, I’m not certain. Maybe it was because I knew that all of this was and is a cycle that we continually go through as women, parents, as “special” parents. Maybe I kept it because I knew that I would have to reflect back on my own words one day; to draw strength from the words I had given her for her strength.
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve fallen apart more times than I can count. There was a few months or maybe even a year that every day I said I was done. Every day, I knew I could do no more and needed to run….but I couldn’t. I can’t. They need us and need us to be strong for them even when we feel there’s no more strength to be had. Take a breath, cry in the shower, drive and clear your head. Ask someone to give you a half of an hour to mourn on your own, find your strength again and walk back in the door….for them…for yourself.
Good luck.”
Obviously from my posts this week, I am going through that same “something” she was. Possibly a grief of life and a need to breathe, to know that everything is going to be okay so I can find strength. A need to fill my thimble.
Thimble. I know you’re scratching your heads. How could I need to fill a thimble….
In college, in one of my last semesters, I attended a class on taking care of the “counselor in you” (I was a psychology major). The professor gifted us small metal thimbles with instructions to place these in our pockets; I immediately put mine in the olive green wool coat I was wearing – where it has remained ever since. Each time I’ve donned that coat, I’m immediately elated, refreshed, reminded of this class and its lesson.
The thimble represents us, what we give as counselors, caregivers, women, men, partners, parents, friends. Should we continually pour little bits of ourselves out in assistance, care, concern or duty to others, we will eventually empty the thimble. In order to continue on our journey, the thimble will need to be refilled. The thimble reminds us to care for ourselves, recognize that we not immune for the need for self-care, we are not bottomless in our ability to care for others.
The weather is changing. It’s going to snow. Perhaps I should put on my coat and remind myself to gain strength in a thimble.
What do you do as a reminder to take care of yourself?
Jannie Funster (4)
Michele t. (3)
Accidental Expert (2)
Lisa (2)
Cheryl (1)
{ 1 trackback }
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
You really are a gifted writer. Really enjoy reading your posts!
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
You theme is similar to one my brother taught me way back when I first became a single mom. I was just at the beginning of my journey, figuring out how to move on without parents, husband and leaving my childhood home behind.
We talked about the glass half-full, half-empty theme. I told him mine was bone dry. He told me, then fill it up again.
“With what?” I asked him. “Let God help you and then help yourself,” he responded.
May sound very simple, but from that point on, I try to remember; take time to fill the glass back up. Never let it run dry. Take what you need and what God gives you and nurture yourself along with everyone else.
Sometimes it is difficult but taking care of ourselves is so very important. Exercise and good books are ways I take care of myself.
Stesha~ Thank you.
Judielise~ That is a good way to remember. I hope that you’ve continued to take care of yourself.
Renee~ I love a good book, and even more when I have the time to read one. I’m trying to add exercise into the routine now. Those are both great ways to take care of yourself.
What a neat idea…I’ll never look at my humble sewing thimble the same way again.
I try to never get to the point that I need reminding…because the few times I’ve had life get so hectic, so stressed, that I haven’t had a moment to myself, I’ve paid the price and the price for that is steep. So in every day I make sure to put some “me” time. It’s not selfish to do so, it’s necessary. I think we tend to put ourselves at the very end of our never-ending to-do lists and we’re doing ourselves a grave disservice when we do.
Talon~ The thimble is humble no more. You’re smart to not wait too long. I love sleep as well. I just need to get over the guilt part.
Mia, maybe in your other pocket you should carry a very small funnel – as a reminder to let the guilt flow right out…
Talon~ LOL!!!! I love the way you think…and am wondering why I never thought of that. I wonder if I can find one small enough to fit in my pocket.
What an awesome-cool professor.
My heart is sooo with you. As you know, I’ve only got one child but I do so remember times when I cried in the shower, drove aimlessly, or ust lay in bed or on the carpet and cried, as her needs were draining mine all to bits.
Please hang in there, sweet Sister, and rub that thimble til it’s worn thin.
Sometimes I meltdown. I had one a few weeks ago. I remember to pick myself up, dust off, and keep moving. I tell myself I am hella strong and can do this…I will not let life, autism, or a job defeat me. And if my Hubs acts up too bad, I threaten to bury him in the back yard!
Jannie~ It seems the shower is the way to go to release! Even one child can put anyone over the edge sometimes. Glad you made it through that part.
Kristi~ It’s hard to keep reminding ourselves to do that, but we have to. As for Hubs…I’ve made the same threat…and he to me. I guess he who gets to it first! LOL.
Such a powerful post and a great professor. I need to buy a thimble and a funnel ( great suggestion) I usually read a bible verse it gives me strength. I look at a family picture of my parents they give me strength because they raised me to be strong and find a way.
Melista~ I too like the funnel idea. I’m still looking for a mini one to fit in my pocket next to the thimble.
I can really relate to this post. I feel completely drained. I feel like I don’t even have the strength to make it another week let alone another day.
Physically, I am fine. Emotionally and mentally I feel completely wiped out. Maybe because it’s the end of the school year and I know summer is just a few days away. Summer, with no break of kid being at school…no break for me. I’m dreading it.
Kristin~ Ah yes, the summer dread. I’m hoping that I can enjoy the summer with the knowledge that I’ll never get that time back. Either that or I’ll go insane. Hang in there.