An interesting thing….no matter how well you think someone understands the challenges your child faces, something so little happens that makes you realize, they understand nothing. They can not see past their own globe, can not consider what others may have to go through, they know not how people in general are different and have different considerations. I thought most people were smarter than this. Case in point.
At our school, some of the students in the SSN (Students with Severe Needs) classroom park fairly close to the school. In fact, we park in the handicapped spaces with the appropriate placards. Now Alex has the physical ability to walk, it’s the long distances that can give him challenges, wear him down and cause other problems; other students who park here are working on the challenge of mobility. However, Alex also has Sensory Processing Disorder, PDD-NOS and LKS making transitions an additional challenge.
We have to ensure that he is weighed down by his heavy backpack and guided straight from the car to his aide and into the school, reversed at the end of the day, straight into the car or we “lose” him. A struggle ensues, right after a lot of chasing, crying, tantruming, general scene causing elements that are not good for the remainder of his day much less his social ‘presentation’ to his peers. Parents, students, everyone has already witnessed this. It took us most of a year to figure out exactly what we needed to do for him (slow, yes, I know). We come a little later in the mornings and earlier at pick up to avoid all the commotion that tends to drive him crazy.
One day, recently, I pulled up for the morning drop off routine. As it appeared an aide was unavailable to do the usual walking to our car to get him, I went about the normal placement of his backpack and began walking him in to avoid any delay or distractions, or to force the aide to come out in 14 degree weather.
15 feet from the front door, I passed to women whom I’ve had conversations with, but would be far from calling friends. Acquaintances. I overheard the following conversation:
(Looking up at my van)
#1: “I don’t understand what the big deal is…”
#2: “I know!”
#1: “…I mean, why can’t they walk them from there (looking at van) to here (the front door). It shouldn’t be a big deal…I mean why can’t they just do it?!”
#2: “I know, it’s not that far and why do they have to have someone come get ….” (sees me and stops talking).
Yes, ladies, I heard you.
Now, I know that it is plausible that they were talking about something else, someone else, but really? Looking at my van repeatedly, discussing the distance from that general area to where they were and the content of what they were saying…I. Don’t. Think. So.
I guess what amazes me is that people, in a generally ‘open’ community can be so self-absorbed as to believe everyone’s life is as theirs. It’s amazes me that they can be so narrow-minded and judgmental when the world is full of reports, information, presentations of the differences, disabilities, or disorders that surround us all. These women appear intelligent, educated. What makes it worse? They are more than acquaintances with another parent of a special needs child.
Maybe I’m missing something, maybe I’m the one self-absorbed…but shouldn’t they know better?
{ 7 comments }
Yeah, we get the same looks and while we don’t have the same issues, we get the same kind of ignorant comments all the time. The ignorance of others never ceases to amaze me.
….try walking a puppy thru the meat department of the grocery store….
NOT the same thing…but I totally understand the sneaky sideways glances, the attempts to keep their prejudices under wraps- the whispers (that they don’t realize I read their lips….) and how it fans flames of anger that won’t ever really go out…..
… the world is a cruel and unyielding place. How I wish that were not so. Hugs for you, and for Alex.
We live in a cruel, cruel society. It’s sad, but true.
Sorry you have to deal with other people’s crud
It’s sad that people make judgements based on appearances. The only good thing is, not everyone is this way – just the ignorant sort who don’t use common sense or compassion before opening their mouth. It would be asking too much for them to engage any intelligence in their observations.
Yes, you all are so right. I have looked past this, and them. As a family, we try to surround ourselves with those who are accepting even if they can’t understand – though not for a lack of trying. If they care for our family, accept our challenges, our differences, we’re good. If they question, they can move on!
They should know better. Geez. But you are right — move on. And as Talon says, not everyone is this way. The ones you encountered are sad for their narrow-mindedness.
They should know better. Some people don’t think.
Comments on this entry are closed.