This past weekend, I was with my two best friends at a local bar celebrating one of their birthday’s. In the midst of talking, catching up, and being goofy, my best friend turned to me and so caring asked, “Ellese, when will it be ever okay for you to just stay still and be?”. It was so shockingly beautiful, because I knew where she was coming from and it has been a question I’ve asked myself.
My life has never been simple. I’ve moved eighteen times, to five different states and crossed the country six of those moves. I’ve been independent since I was eighteen, and when my family fell apart four years ago, I started my whole life from scratch once more. Moving, running, changing has been a big part of who I am. But its not what I love to do. I crave being still, staying in sweats and having routines. I hold on to things that don’t work just to have one thing that’s stable. It is ridiculous but true.
When I moved to New York City a few years ago, I would go to central park and walk endlessly while listening to music. I would think about what I want to do, where I want to go. Why has there been so many struggles. With each visit to the park, I discovered a little bit more of who I am, what I am meant to do, and what I want out of this world. Watching other people running past, parents with their babies, the young, old, and in between walking their dogs. I realized I want nothing more than to help other people. I want to travel the world, speak in front of millions, work one on one with others to encourage them that they too can get through what ever they are going through.
What I have learned while walking through central park is that, for me, I need the constant push to extend outside my comfort zone in order to sculpt my strengths, enhance my abilities and to keep me moving in the path I need to go. Maybe some day it will quiet down, or maybe not. But all I know is that for today, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Recently, I’ve been visiting central park more frequently, and lets just say there are big Big BIG moves on the horizon, largely in part of letting go and facing fears, trusting instincts and doing only the imaginable. The next two weeks are going to be interesting.
Something I always believed in is how important someone’s word is. A promise is a promise. But more interesting is the lyrics we sing to ourselves each day; it says a lot about who we are as individuals by the commitments we make to ourselves. Here are some of mine:
Today I promise myself to make sure to never regret the past, shut the door on the future, nor overlook what is in front of me. It is easy to get side tracked and forget the simple pleasure in life, but that’s what best friends and loved ones are for. To remember how wonderful each minute can be. Yes, it is cheesy, but sometimes cheesy is good and funny and remember-able.
I promise to be as good as I can to everyone that passes through my life, my day, my thoughts. To give what I can as far as my hope, strength and experience can lend. To do my best, and know my best will fluctuate each day, and I promise that is okay.
But my biggest promise is that I will Never Ever give up on myself.
It is going to be a great new year to come, I hope everyone can experience it in happiness, abundance, and growth.