Yes I write a lot about relationships and general everyday life but let’s get the record straight: Sometimes I am a quick learner and other times I am painfully slow at getting the point. When it comes to jobs and tasks I learn fast. Learning how to play the piano, be a great field hockey player, or write an excellent paper- I am speedy Gonzales in picking that stuff up.
But when it comes to the scope of life, and relationships it can take yearrrssss. I can be knocked over by the lesson time and time again but it could take me five years to understand the message. For me, it looks like this: there are days where I have a moment of clarity and the light bulb goes off. And it occurs in the most random unexpected places. Like when I am in the shower or ordering lunch. I am not kidding.
Just the other day I had an epiphany as I was about to fall asleep. I was getting into bed, all clean and half dead to the world where it clicked …my boyfriend wants to be with me… No one else… That is why he is with me and no one else. Ohhhh now I get it. It only took three years but it finally makes sense as I prop up in bed thinking about it for two more seconds then fell fast asleep. Because before this moment in time, I wasn’t sure why this guy was with me for three years. Not as a self-deprecated thing, like Ohhhh I’m so horrible, but more along the lines of this is weird that he just keeps calling and showing up and keeps following me around. But now it makes sense.
Okay another example, I was constantly taught the message I get to take responsibility for myself, or the more popular saying “stay on your side of the road”. Heard that saying almost every day when I was a kid. But it didn’t click until now, as a 29-year old and recognized, Ohhhh I get to take responsibility for everything, even my happiness, security, and success. Woooowww. You mean I can’t blame everything and everyone else anymore. Huh, had no clue. Isn’t it so easy to say, I’m upset because [fill in the blank] didn’t go the way I wanted it. Or I am so miserable because I have to wait an extra hour because someone decided to be late. My bestenemy keeps me waiting… Guess what I learned, you get to take these situations and take responsibility for your own happiness at the same time. Yes, yes you do… Crazy. Just thinking about the new job interview I have tomorrow as well. Ohhh my God…I really hope the new job will restore my “Occupational Ballance“.
It’s hysterical how the lesson has always been there but because of my thick skull, it can take years to figure out the meaning. And I don’t think I am alone in this process. And actually, all this sh** has caused me some bad pain and now I’m just busy trying to fight this RSI I have. Could it be that lack of sleep has to do with it?
Do I think it is a bad thing that it can take very long to understand life and relationships? Nope, not at all. I have accepted I learn at my own pace and I am not perfect. But I do think its great to talk about it because then I get to experience even more light bulb moments. Its okay to take time learning, as long as you are learning. Growth is a process and sometimes I just claim my right to suffer. That is all I know as of right now.